Madonna's Kabbalah Seduction

The now-apparently-estranged wife of Alex Rodriguez is telling her friends that Madonna employed Kabbalah as a means of brainwashing Alex into become her new boy-toy.

"I believe he was having an affair with Madonna," Cynthia Rodriguez told a friend. "She said she found a letter where Alex told Madonna: 'You are my true soulmate.'"

"I feel like Madonna is using mind control over him," Cynthia allegedly went on. "I don't recognize the man he's become. He was a sweet, beautiful, loving husband and father. Today he's very cold and calculating."

Hmm...there might be some truth to this. First of all, we know Kabbalah is very powerful. Second of all...Madonna is about as cold and calculating as they come, so if she did brainwash Alex, that's probably how he would wind up too.

Oh, and he would have a constant hard-on that only Madonna's chasm-like mummy-poon could satisfy.