B4U India

Not Gwen Stefani

Thu, 25 Sep 2008 13:53:00 -0400

Britney in a black wig. She had a new album coming out or something and now it's delayed or...fuck I don't know. I wish she'd go back to smacking things with umbrellas and having huge flame-outs ending in threats of Tylenol suicide. The day she found out Chanel dresses weren't for wiping up dog poo was a sad one indeed.

Overdoing It

Thu, 25 Sep 2008 13:51:00 -0400

We get it - you're lesbians.

Things We Need Like a Hole in the Head

Thu, 25 Sep 2008 13:24:00 -0400

Johnny Depp has signed on to return as swishy pirate Jack Sparrow in a fourth installment of the Pirates of the Caribbean franchise. This despite the fact that not a single sane person on the face of the earth who doesn't stand to benefit financially from such a film wants there to be a fourth installment in that particular franchise. The first Pirates: Mildly amusing big-budget nonsense. The second Pirates: Mildly amusing big-budget nonsense degenerating into clattering self-indulgence. The third Pirates: Clattering self-indulgence degenerating into mindless incoherence and CGI overkill. What will the fourth Pirates be? Maybe they shouldn't even bother with the movie and just have people line up to be kicked in the face. By the way, Keira Knightley has already said she won't do another one of these no matter how much money they offer her. Even dumb twats can sometimes show common sense. Johnny? Hard to say...

Off to the Park Bench

Thu, 25 Sep 2008 13:37:00 -0400

Brad Pitt continues his transformation into a creepy old guy you wouldn't want around your kids. Poor guy's brain is totally warped now. And his dick has shrunk to the size of a raisin.

Martha's Dream

Thu, 25 Sep 2008 13:42:00 -0400

This is the dick Martha Stewart would wish to have were she male. What's with the zig-zagging mustard? Who the fuck takes the trouble to put a perfect trail of zig-zagging mustard down their absurdly long hot dog? That guy in the background - his other job is chiseling the grit from the folds in Martha's back. She pays him in beads that he then uses to trade for cigarettes with the slaves who work day and night extracting the sheep-bile that's used to produce the special potion Martha drinks to keep from turning back into a shit-smelling ogre.

"Chocolate News": David Alan Grier's New Show

Thu, 25 Sep 2008 01:02:00 -0400

David Alan Grier of "In Living Colour" fame has a new show called, "Chocolate News" that is a black, tongue-in-cheek program similar to "Dateline." Think black "The Daily Show" but with news skits. Chocolate News will make its debut on "Comedy Central" in October. (More on Grier)

It is described by IMDb as, "A magazine-show parody hosted by comedian David Alan Grier covering urban pop culture topics."

Don't forget to have us on David.

He Won't Shut Up

Wed, 24 Sep 2008 14:22:00 -0400

Michael Lohan's plan to win back Lindsay's heart has gone completely down the crapper and it's all the fault of his big fat mouth. Actually, it's his big fat typing fingers, which keep hammering out emails like the following, which he sent to X17:

After spending a week in LA, doing charity work and meeting people who want to make positive difference in other peoples lives, only to hear what some of these very people have to say about Samantha Ronson I was sickened. But, then to read the recent article in In Touch magazine, which only corroborated what I heard, I am compelled to state my concerns about the effect Samantha is having on my daughter.

First, it was me for speaking out against Samantha after I was in a deep conversation with Lindsay, only to have Samantha in the background enticing Lindsay to get off the phone with me.. Then my own ex-wife expressed such sincere concern that I felt we had to intervene. Now, Joe Francis is attacked for speaking out about Samantha, when he too cares about Lindsay and is concerned about Samantha’s effect on Lindsay.

Joe Francis is a good person and even a better businessman. He wasn’t a bad guy when he flew Lindsay around on his jet, opened the doors top his home or tried to help, was he? Of course not because Samantha wasn’t around. Sounds familiar with regard to me as well !!!!

There is a lot more to Samantha than meets the eye! Not that what we see is soooo pleasing anyway! I mean, what’s with this …."person"??? Look at the way she “dresses”? Once more, she uses her middle finger more than she uses words! Personally, I think she is dark, hideous and a disgusting representation of humanity!

Have you ever seen her apartment? For God’s sake, when she runs out of toilet paper she tells people to use the cardboard roll. (I was told this first hand).

I heard and know more about Samantha than you can imagine. Yet, while I haven’t exposed her, I know that God will. He will weed her out of Lindsay’s life and at that time, you will finally see Lindsay back in the place in her heart and mind that God wants and she belongs. Hopefully, without Samantha causing more damage than she already has.

Did he seriously just cite Joe Francis as his notion of a solid person? That right there sapped whatever credibility he may have had. Lindsay would be better off in the company of Ted Bundy and Jack the Ripper than Joe Francis...or her father for that matter. Of course, I still think Sam Ronson is a hideous leech but whatever...Lohan's an adult now and needs to step in her own shitpiles and learn to wipe the stuff from her own shoe. Thankfully she's not afraid to tell her father where to stuff it, as evidenced by the email she sent Page 6:

My father obviously needs to be on medication to control his moods. He is out of line and his words show how much anger he has, and it's dangerous and scary as it reminds me of how he treated my mother and I my whole childhood. He needs to be stopped. This is yet another reason why we aren't speaking.
I am in a great place in life. I have overcome a lot and have been able to learn how to enjoy and appreciate my life in every way possible. I'm proud of myself for being able to make a change in the past year and a half.

My past is behind me, and that's final. There's nothing more to be said. All the false accusations that people try to make are simply because there's no story when things are calm and good.

But they might as well let it go because their lies don't affect me anymore. Samantha is not evil, I care for her very much and she's a wonderful girl.
She loves me, as I do her.

Clearly, Samantha wrote that for her. But I'm sure the spirit of it is true to what Lindsay honestly believes in her wounded little heart. She is a sad confused person who can't distinguish between exploitation and love, and Michael and Dina made her that way.

Booger-Encrusted Hooker-Top Anyone?

Wed, 24 Sep 2008 14:07:00 -0400

Alli Sims dropped completely off the map after being booted from Britney Spears' crazy train, and is now apparently broke. According to Crazy Days and Nights, the former professional hanger-on has resorted to setting up a stand at a flea market so she can sell swag she accumulated during her months as a leech. Didn't she have an album coming out? On her website it says she'll be putting up samples of her music "in the future." Only if she sells enough hoarded gift-bag shit to keep up with the server costs.

I've Grown Accustomed to Your Face...and Now I Want to Punch It

Wed, 24 Sep 2008 14:15:00 -0400

Brad Pitt and George Clooney have had a falling out over their mutual desire to play Henry Higgins in an upcoming remake of My Fair Lady. "We both badly want [the] role and neither is backing down," OK! quotes Clooney as saying. "It's sort of become an intense competition between us now and it just keeps escalating." Really? Over Henry Higgins? What, they figure the part will nab them an Oscar the way it did for Rex Harrison? And they both need that validation so badly they're willing to throw away a perfectly good gay relationship over it? I guess we're seeing their true colors shining through - and they ain't beautiful like no rainbow.

Changed Man

Wed, 24 Sep 2008 13:54:00 -0400

Nick Hogan will be released from county lock-up in Florida next month after serving five months of an eight month sentence for rendering his friend John Graziano a vegetable via car-wreck. The first thing Nick will do is get behind the wheel of some hot-rod and start tear-assing up and down the streets like nothing ever happened. The second thing he'll do is go on some assface TV show and talk about how he's changed and the Lord sent him this trial to make a better man of him. The third thing he'll do is ring up Brooke so they can get their incestuous freak on. Whoever thinks this kid's brain-killing days are over is a fool.